Sunday, May 26, 2013

A dummy's guide to the IPL

I guess most of us would have watched a TV soap at one time or another. Understanding the IPL while drawing parallels to this ubiquitous entity on the box is great way to unravel the mysteries of this cricketing spectacle. So, lets start with some of the things that are glaringly common between the two.

1) Both follow the director's script to the hilt. While it may be a little more difficult to guess the outcome of the IPL, shall you be in the director's clique, the result is a known quantity.

2) The producer's sons (and in laws) run the show and they decide who plays the leading man/lady on a given day. They have a free run to change the rules of the game as they wish, no questions asked. And one who asks them burns in the eternal fire of hell ( ask the Indian cricket league)

3) There is a song and dance routine to keep you entertained and to relax the sinews that reach snapping limits owing to the dreary main performance. Deciding who sings and dances is the sole prerogative of the son in law.

4) And yes, the "strategically" placed advertisement breaks in both allow you to cook your meal, eat it and yearn for another while you wonder why you were watching the telecast in the first place.

5) Occasional appearances from the film fraternity in both are intended to lend a glamor coefficient to the proceedings which descend into soporific drivel in a week's time.

6) The protagonists in both look comatose and constipated but carry on with the show to lend some fat to their bank balances. Some are known to moonlight to earn an extra buck trying to bring along a "spot" of change in the script.

7) The leading men always win. They are generally dressed in garish yellow and would seem to struggle with insurmountable odds only to come out trumps every time. Ok, you do get a twist in the tale at times to make sure you come around for your next dose.

8) You are not surprised when one or more of the entire acting crew is replaced, especially if they belong to small towns like Pune or Kochi. As they say, the show must go on.

9) Before the grand launch of either, you would get somebody you would have seen a hundred time but cant remember the name telling you that unless you tune into the upcoming extravaganza, you stand  a big chance of getting expelled from the homo sapiens class.

10) While you are aware of all of the above 9, you still dump your evening stroll and sit wide eyed in front of the TV to reinforce your beliefs.


We talked about a host of commonalities between the IPL and the TV soap, there are also a few dissimilarities.

1) If you are lucky enough to be called to the shoot of a soap, you would be offered a nice lunch and be probably treated like royalty. If you are unlucky enough to buy an IPL ticket, make sure you carry adult diapers and that is insurance not just against the stadium rest rooms.

2) If the director/producer of the soap talks, you wonder why he doesn't act himself. If the same happens for the IPL, you just saw the best actor of them all perform.

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