A dummy's guide to the IPL

I guess most of us would have watched a TV soap at one time or another. Understanding the IPL while drawing parallels to this ubiquitous entity on the box is great way to unravel the mysteries of this cricketing spectacle. So, lets start with some of the things that are glaringly common between the two.

1) Both follow the director's script to the hilt. While it may be a little more difficult to guess the outcome of the IPL, shall you be in the director's clique, the result is a known quantity.

2) The producer's sons (and in laws) run the show and they decide who plays the leading man/lady on a given day. They have a free run to change the rules of the game as they wish, no questions asked. And one who asks them burns in the eternal fire of hell ( ask the Indian cricket league)

3) There is a song and dance routine to keep you entertained and to relax the sinews that reach snapping limits owing to the dreary main performance. Deciding who sings and dances is the sole prerogative of the son in law.

4) And yes, the "strategically" placed advertisement breaks in both allow you to cook your meal, eat it and yearn for another while you wonder why you were watching the telecast in the first place.

5) Occasional appearances from the film fraternity in both are intended to lend a glamor coefficient to the proceedings which descend into soporific drivel in a week's time.

6) The protagonists in both look comatose and constipated but carry on with the show to lend some fat to their bank balances. Some are known to moonlight to earn an extra buck trying to bring along a "spot" of change in the script.

7) The leading men always win. They are generally dressed in garish yellow and would seem to struggle with insurmountable odds only to come out trumps every time. Ok, you do get a twist in the tale at times to make sure you come around for your next dose.

8) You are not surprised when one or more of the entire acting crew is replaced, especially if they belong to small towns like Pune or Kochi. As they say, the show must go on.

9) Before the grand launch of either, you would get somebody you would have seen a hundred time but cant remember the name telling you that unless you tune into the upcoming extravaganza, you stand  a big chance of getting expelled from the homo sapiens class.

10) While you are aware of all of the above 9, you still dump your evening stroll and sit wide eyed in front of the TV to reinforce your beliefs.

We talked about a host of commonalities between the IPL and the TV soap, there are also a few dissimilarities.

1) If you are lucky enough to be called to the shoot of a soap, you would be offered a nice lunch and be probably treated like royalty. If you are unlucky enough to buy an IPL ticket, make sure you carry adult diapers and that is insurance not just against the stadium rest rooms.

2) If the director/producer of the soap talks, you wonder why he doesn't act himself. If the same happens for the IPL, you just saw the best actor of them all perform.

Spain's Gain

It was a fruitful weekend for the country by the Mediterranean Sea. While Fernando Alonso drove his scarlet Ferrari home for a flawless 25 points, Rafa trumped a lesser known Swiss to capture the Madrid Open. At the Catalunya circuit in Barcelona, the home fans were treated to a delightful display by their favorite driver who ended a seven year wait to win his second Spanish grand prix. Kimi managed to cut Vettel's lead at the top to four points but had to settle with second place for a third consecutive race. The Pirelli tyres seem to be becoming the dominant force this season with most drivers not being able to bare their speed fangs for wheel conservation. The Mercedes team locked out the front row in qualifying but were nowhere to be seen after the first round of pit stops. That Nico Rosberg could only manage a sixth position after starting from pole suggests that pit stops and not qualifying are the biggest strategy focus this season. Also that Alonso won starting from below three which no one has done before at this track signals a shift in focus to tactical Sunday racing from furious Saturday qualifying. We will have the street race at Monaco next and the Red Bulls would be itching to get the Spanish disappointment behind them in the city of casinos.

 After being on the receiving end at the Monte Carlo masters, the king of clay bounced back with this usual ferocity in Madrid. That Novak and Roger were knocked out surprisingly in the earlier stages of the tournament helped Nadal make mincemeat of the other challengers that came his way. There was never a doubt about who the overwhelming favorite was when Stan Wawrinka faced up against him in the final. The Swiss has a mean back hand but it misfires more often than it forces winners. This win shall certainly boost Nadal's hopes for continuing his reign on the red clay in Paris in a fortnight's time. He may be seeded fifth but there is never a doubt about his ability to demolish the very best when it comes to Roland Garros. The Stangun has never defeated Rafa in nine meetings now and that record will not be weakened some time soon.

While Wigan landed the FA cup defeating Manchester City by a solitary goal, the week belonged to one Alex Ferguson. The Scot hanged up his boots after a managerial career that is stuff of legend. He said good bye to Old Trafford with a win over Swansea and a goal by Rio Ferdinand. With the premier league title already in the bag and David Moyes charged to take over reigns in July, the United coach watched over his team for an incrdible 405th premier league fixture. When Ferguson oversees his last game at West Brom next Sunday, it would bring down the curtains on a special era not just for the red devils, but for all football. Take a bow Sir Alex.

Achtung Baby

Four clubs of two nationalities fought for a spot at Wembley to land the coveted Champions League. The favorites were two teams who fight the El Classico and are probably the most talked about teams in club football. The results though were quite against the odds and it was the Germans who crashed the Spanish party to signal what could be a shift in the soccer power center. You wouldn't bet for both Real Madrid and Barcelona being knocked out of the semis of this prestigious tourney. While Real did show some fight against Dortmund in their home leg, Barca were completely outclassed after conceding four and three goals respectively away and home. May be this is just a blip on the radar for the two mighty squads but it has all the makings of a storm. Real have now lost out at the last four stage three years in a row and the Messi magic seems to be on the wane for their   biggest domestic rivals. With the "special one" likely to give up the reigns, one would only wonder how long before his protege Ronaldo follows suit. There is trouble brewing and one can just hope it blows away for the sake of the premiere club competition of the world still carrying its premier billing.

The 2000 humiliation made the Germans go back to the drawing board and the results have shown. The Bundesliga is one of the few top notch leagues in Europe to have a lower than 25% foreign recruit number. While the English and Spanish leagues strut their stuff with imports from all over the world, the Germans have perfected a system of getting local talent through efficiently. Both Bayern and Borussia showcased that with aplomb to get to the finals. While B. Munich are no strangers to this stage of the competition, their rivals for the grand finale have been a surprise. With a colorful coach in Jurgen Klopp, they have managed to upstage much more fancied rivals including Manchester City. They would again go into the May 26 final as under dogs but with having reached so far, they would do every bit to match Jupp Heynckes' side. With Arjen Robben and Muller firing on all cylinders, Borussia would look to Lewandowski  to recreate the magic that enabled them in beating Real 4-0.

The clinical and efficient German system has reaped big rewards both for their domestic league teams as well as the national side. It remains to be seen if the results can replicate themselves for some years and bring some more silver ware to the soccer crazy nation. Meanwhile, its a mouth watering clash between two attacking sides waiting for us in a couple of weeks at the hallowed stadium in England. Kann das beste team gewinnen.